I watched this movie not because I really wanted to. I watched it because I am a bit of a masochist who likes to get angry about bad movies with even worse messages and then hate myself for doing so. Having now watched all the Twilight movies, I can honestly say I have witnessed some of the worst movie moments in history, some of the worst acting in a series that functions on blockbuster budgets (worse than the prequels, worse than the Transformers movies, worse than most low-budget schlock movies I watch even), and some of the most nonsensical plots ever devised. I have gotten angry at the misogynistic, hyper-conservative anti-abortion, pro-abstinence message so many times before, making me mad at the movies not just because they were bad, but because they propagated a horribly out-dated, anti-women message that would piss me off beyond belief. Twilight, and its ridiculous success, is what helped contribute to me becoming the cynical asshole that I am today.
Which is why it pains me so much to admit something I thought I would never say. It's something I am sure will receive laughter and ridicule from friends, and it is something that took some time for me to realize. See the thing is, I was thoroughly entertained by this movie. Oh, it is still schlock, the acting is still crap, and the story is still not particularly great, but this is the first time I actually enjoyed one of these goddamn things. Let me tell you why.
First of all, the hyperconservative agenda is not as pervasive as before. Bella has gotten married, has a child is a vampire now, so there is no need anymore for the unsubtle plot lines that pretty much propagate the most hardcore line of the Christian right. The plot, essentially, is that evil vampires want to kill Bella and her child, because sweet vampire-human humping is against the law or something, so all the good vampires all around the world gather to fight the vulturi (evil vampires). All the good vampires around the world each have some sort of gift they can use, so they're kind of like really pale X-men. At the end, they all come together (along with some wolves), to fight it out to protect an innocent child.
Sure, there is some weird stuff going on with the werewolf dude possibly having the hots for Bella's child, but beyond that, it is a movie with a very simple premise, and a very straightforward approach. And because of all the separate powers that the vampires now apparently have, the finale is pretty goddamn exciting. Yes, the werewolves still look like shit CGI, and some of the effects are a bit wonky, but the battle in and of itself looks pretty cool, and it is all surprisingly exciting and pretty goddamn entertaining.
The acting is still pretty lousy, and first and second act still has a lot of Bella and Edward looking emptily at each other, but for a change the plot is straightforward simple and makes the character look sympathetic (protecting an innocent child against evil vampires makes more sense than all the ridiculous plot lines of the previous movies). The boring love stories, the christian conservative agenda, and the overdrawn sequences of Kristen Stewart deciding if she wants to be with werewolf guy or vampire guy have all been replaced by a simple cut and dry story of collecting a team with special powers, and them fighting it out against the bad guys. And Michael Sheen, the leader of the pack, was always fun in this. It is as if he is the only one who realized that if he has to play in this schlock, he might as well have fun with it. His performance is so deliciously over the top, it really helps the spirit of the movie.
The movie is still schlock, but it is entertaining schlock. The movie shed a lot of what made the previous movies so excruciatingly bad, it is a movie that actually has some pretty cool action, and a straightforward and acceptable story. So if for some reason you're forced to watch this movie, don't dread it as much as the previous Twilight movies. You might even enjoy it a bit.
No comments:
Post a Comment